[TV static drones]
[bright tone]
[upbeat rock music]
*
[cheers and applause]
- Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight". I'm John Oliver.
Thank you so much for joining us.
And before we start, look,
we did not want to talk about the election
at all this week.
We so badly wanted to give everyone a break.
We even prepped a fun story about Iceland,
which had a fascinating election yesterday.
- If you think things are turbulent this election,
just be glad you don't live in Iceland.
You see, pirates could soon be running that country.
- It's true.
Pirates were running for election in Iceland.
And, granted, it was actually something called
"The Pirate Party" which stands
for more transparency in government,
but it was still very interesting,
and we had some solid eyepatch jokes.
And it was going to be fun, but we can't talk about it.
Just like I can't talk about Spain's new government
or the fact Austria is still awaiting
its third attempt at a presidential election after--
and this is true-- the last one was postponed
due to defective glue on the absentee ballot envelopes.
I don't even have time to show you all of this YouTube video
of a man who surprised a dog
by dressing up as its favorite toy.
[laughter and applause]
Don't you want to see how that ends?
That dog's expression is clearly,
"I'm gonna hump the shit out of that."
But there is no time,
because with a heavy heart, we must begin
with the 2016 election,
or, as you may know it,
"The Shit-Filled Cornucopia That Just Keeps On Giving 2016."
2016. And it is all because--
it's all because of what happened on Friday.
- We're following breaking news, a dramatic new twist
in the presidential campaign.
The FBI is reviewing its investigation
into Hillary Clinton's use of a private email server
while she was Secretary of State
after of the discovery of new emails
that appear to be pertinent to the case.
- Oh, perfect.
That's just what this election
and everyone's state of mind needed.
Bacardi should really consider switching their slogan to,
"Bacardi: Because there might be more fucking Clinton emails."
And if--if this shitty development
in a shitty campaign season were not grim enough,
there is also the matter
of where this latest problem came from.
man: In a more surprising twist, the unearthed emails
were from the FBI's investigation
into disgraced Congressman Anthony Weiner.
- It's true.
It seems Anthony Weiner is forcing the nation
to re-litigate the entire email controversy
and putting Hillary Clinton's chances
of winning the presidency in serious danger.
Carlos Danger.
[Mystikal's "Danger" plays] Mystikal: * Danger
- Damn it, Weiner! Mystikal: * Danger
- For the record, this is a reflex!
I'm not having fun!
You're ruining my dance! Mystikal: * Sing it
- Look, this is obviously
a disgusting way for the email case
to come to life.
Just watch Vice President Biden
learn about Weiner's involvement for the very first time.
- I don't know this email-- where these emails came from,
what--I-- - Apparently, Anthony Weiner.
- Well--oh, God.
Anthony Weiner, um...
I should not comment on Anthony Weiner.
- You can just picture Biden
repressing that news and going to his happy place.
Which, I assume, is this actual picture
of him eating an ice cream, wearing sunglasses,
and holding a fistful of money.
And perhaps the most frustrating thing about all of this
is we don't know yet whether this is a huge problem
or whether it's barely a problem at all
because FBI Director James Comey
pointed out in his letter to Congress
that "the FBI cannot yet assess
whether or not this material may be significant."
And sources have since dampened expectations
of what might emerge.
- At this point, sources tell us
that Hillary Clinton is not implicated
in any of these emails, that she did not send them.
So there's no, right now, direct connection
to Hillary Clinton, but we really don't know
specifically what is in these emails.
- Okay, so nine days out from the election,
the FBI has basically delivered us
the equivalent of a mystery box.
And like the box from the end of "Se7en,"
it could contain anything from nothing
to Gwyneth Paltrow's head.
Although--although it almost definitely contains
Anthony Weiner's penis.
And--and the chances of getting this resolved
before the election seem slim.
- So thousands of emails on the computer to examine.
Now they've got to go get court process
to, uh, get the right to look at those emails
because, remember, this investigation of Weiner
was focused solely on the texts that he sent
to an underage girl. man: Right.
- So now they got to go back, get legal process
to take a wider look at these emails
and begin that process.
You said earlier this probably won't be wrapped up
before Election Day-- scratch "probably."
- So, to recap,
the grinding hell of this election
has thrown in yet another twist
with the election potentially hanging in the balance,
all thanks to the fact Anthony Weiner
allegedly sexted with a 15-year-old girl.
Now, a month ago, when Donald Trump tweeted,
we should "check out" a "sex tape"
of a former Miss Universe contestant,
I said if you looked up, you would see rock bottom.
Well, if you look up now, you will see absolutely nothing.
And I'll tell you why.
We have burrowed through not just rock bottom
but through the core of the Earth,
and we've come bursting out the other side,
startling kangaroos,
and we're currently hurtling toward outer space,
where there is no up, down, light, or darkness,
just an endless void,
in which death comes as sweet, sweet relief.
Please let this thing be over soon.
[cheers and applause]
And now this.
[fanfare]
Kaye: And now, the stream-of-consciousness
musings of WCBS-2 meteorologist John Elliott.
- It is 7:19, time to check your local weather.
- Thank you, Norah. You know, if I was to, uh, scale
my, uh, head would be worth about $400 million.
- It is time to check your local weather.
[playful music]
- Thank you, Kristine.
Uh, I know her.
[laughs] I know Kristine Johnson.
You know, it's funny though,
You know what this guy said to that guy?
"Hey, I'm next door."
Here I am-- [stammers] I was waiting here,
I was actually planning on just doing a little batting practice.
Rob Lowe and his hair are downstairs right now.
That's--[stammers]-- this guy does not age!
Look, a little gift for you, like a little pearl,
I have the morning sun.
You know, my mom is actually turning 90 this summer,
a few months behind the queen, so, yes, cheerio.
And you know what? Frank Sinatra Jr.
was an excellent singer.
The president's legs are very thin.
I--every gym I've ever been to says, "No cell phone use."
So much of the country bakin'.
So--ooh, now I want bacon.
- It is 7:19, time to check your local weather.
- You know, I-- I've just got to say it.
I think Gail's hair looks great.
[laughter] [playful music concludes]
- Moving on... [cheers and applause]
moving on, our main story tonight
concerns racism.
You know, the problem that "Crash" failed to solve.
And specifically we're going to discuss
school segregation, which, it turns out,
is still a big problem.
- Racial segregation is on the rise.
The number of schools where 1% or less
of the student population is white
has more than doubled in the last 20 years.
- That's true.
Even as our society has grown more diverse,
nearly 7,000 schools have the same racial makeup
as the audience of your average Tyler Perry movie.
And that one white guy is Leonard Maltin
and he has to be there; it's his job.
"Boo! A Madea Halloween," three stars.
Now, at this point if you're in a city like New York,
you're probably thinking, "Oh, splendid.
"I know where this is going. A story vilifying
"the backwards and racist American South.
"Let me just grab a handful of kale chips
that I can munch on while feeling superior."
Well, hold on.
There is something you should probably know.
man: According to the UCLA Civil Rights Project,
the South is the least segregated region
for black students.
And in fact, New York state
is now the most segregated system in America,
in large part due to New York City.
- Oh, shit, liberal, white New Yorkers!
Twist ending, you were racist the whole time.
Put back those persimmons you bought yourselves
as a treat from Fairway.
You don't deserve them anymore.
And look, it would still be problematic
even if these schools were roughly equivalent academically,
as that would still be a violation of the principle
of Brown versus Board of Education
that "separate educational facilities
are inherently unequal."
But in practice,
they are very rarely equal in any way.
Black and Latino children are more likely
to attend schools with inexperienced teachers,
which are then less likely
to offer a college-prep curriculum.
On top of which, because race and class
are inextricably linked, those students are
six times as likely to be in high-poverty schools.
And while there are teachers and students
working incredibly hard in those places,
they are often doing so with fewer resources,
as one student learned during a school-exchange program.
- Once a year, we do what's called a "School Swap,"
where students that go to county high schools
attend a school in the city for one day
and then students in the city
attend a school in the county for one day.
- I went in and the first thing that I noticed,
actually, was all this stuff around here.
I'm talking about stuff that looked like
it costs lots of money.
The teachers come in, they can get right on topic.
They have multiple computers that they can use.
And it's like, wow.
And then I relate it back to my school, well,
we--we don't have all that.
- Okay.
I get what that program was trying to do,
but it still seems cruel, giving students a glimpse
of what other kids are getting.
At least on a plane, they cover first class
with a curtain.
And, sure, they might still bake cookies
and waft the smell down the aisle,
but that's just to fuck with you.
So how is it possible that our nation's schools
are, by some measures, more segregated now
than they have been in over four decades?
Well, it turns out places like New York
haven't so much "resegregated"
as "never really bothered integrating in the first place."
Because the 1964 Civil Rights Act
was very carefully crafted by northern lawmakers.
It targeted the kind of segregation "by law,"
which existed in the South, so you couldn't have a school
that was official designated whites only.
But it exempted the so-called
"racial imbalance" of northern schools.
So if a New York school was all white
because it was drawing from an all-white area,
even if that area had been kept that way
due to a host of explicitly racist housing policies,
that was somehow fine.
And if you're thinking,
"That is some hypocritical bullshit," you are not alone.
Malcolm X was pointing this out in New York at the time.
- You don't have to go to Mississippi to--
to find a segregated school system.
We have it right here in New York City.
It shows that the problems that the--
the, uh, white liberals have been pointing the finger
at the Southern segregationists and condemning them for
exist right here in New York City.
- Yeah, of course racism exists in New York.
Have you never seen "West Side Story"?
It is a musical about love transcending the obstacle
of one person being Puerto Rican.
It'll never work!
And--and for what it's worth,
when, on rare occasions, northern cities were forced
to desegregate, things got just as ugly
as they did down south.
Listen to one Boston man describe his memories
of being sent to a school in a white neighborhood.
- So my first day of school was when we walked--
got off the school bus,
it was right on the steps,
in white paint: "Niggers go back home to Africa."
You got all these whites out there with--
you know--signs calling us niggers, you know,
"go back home," you know, the whole bit.
And then, these-- some of these same kids
you would see in class.
So now you're like, "So what's up with that?"
- Yeah.
He's got a point there.
They shout, "Go home to Africa,"
and then sit beside you in class.
I do hope the kids who heard that
had the opportunity to go,
"Oh, oh, you want to borrow a pencil?
Oh, I'm sorry, I must have left mine in Kenya this morning."
And--and for just a taste--
just a taste of the general paranoia
surrounding this issue back then,
just watch this trailer for a movie called
"Halls of Anger."
man: A handful of white students are transferred
to an all-black school.
You know there's gonna be trouble.
- Ooh-ooh! Vanilla ice cream.
- And I'm gonna take me a big lick.
- Okay.
That is clearly horrible,
but, on a side note,
using the terms "chocolate" and "vanilla"
is actually the best possible argument
for bringing races closer together.
Because what happens when you combine chocolate and vanilla?
I'll tell you what happens.
Fucking "Fudgie the Whale" happens.
And it is superb!
And even though the path to integration was rough
and the burden often fell disproportionally
on African-American communities,
there were still clear benefits.
Because bringing in white children
also brought in resources,
to an almost comical extent.
Griffin: Immediately when the decision was made
that white kids would now be bussed
into West Charlotte,
it was like a community joke.
Like overnight, the gravel parking lot was paved.
The athletic facilities,
in terms of the football stadium,
basketball, gymnasium stuff, was upgraded.
Uh, it was like overnight
someone had written a check for a million dollars.
- Exactly.
Funding tends to follow white people around
the way white people follow the band Phish around.
"It's a different show every time, man.
"Last time I was rolling 'cause I snorted Molly
"off a communal didgeridoo.
"Different show every time, man!"
[laughter and applause]
That man's school was in Charlotte, North Carolina,
a city which became a model
for how desegregation could be effective.
By the end of the 1980s, just 1% of Latino children
and 3% of black children were attending schools considered
racially isolated, that is, 90% or more minority.
And this was such a point of pride
that when President Reagan visited
and tried to talk shit about Charlotte's system,
it didn't go down too well.
- They favor bussing, that takes innocent children
out of the neighborhood school and makes them pawns
in a social experiment that nobody wants.
We found out it failed.
I don't call that compassion.
man: Reagan got no reaction from the crowd on that line.
- I took great offense to it and I stomped across the floor
and said a few choice expletives about the president
and cut off the TV.
- Ooh.
That is some courtly southern aggression.
I'm guessing his choice expletives were,
"Heavens to Betsy," "That really fried my grits,"
and "Sir, you are a scoundrel without valor,
without valor, I say!"
[cheers and applause]
Now, unfortunately,
what happened next in Charlotte
is basically the story of desegregation in a nutshell.
Because in 1997, a white parent got upset
when his daughter lost out in a lottery
for a magnet school, which had reserved some seats
for black children.
And even though she was still assigned
to one of the top ten elementary schools in the state,
he filed a lawsuit.
- I really believe that my daughter's
constitutional rights were violated.
Um, and as a concerned parent
and a responsible parent, I hope, um,
I believe it was my job to look after her well-being.
- Okay, sure,
but she was already in a top-ten school.
And I do get making sure your kid has a good education
is one of the most important jobs a parent can do.
It's right up there with lying about
not having a favorite child.
Because every parent has a favorite child,
and it's Dylan.
It's not you.
It's not any of your siblings.
It's Dylan.
Just ask your parents.
They like Dylan.
Bu--
he does his own laundry!
But--but that man's selfishness had a huge impact.
A federal judge ruled in his favor,
vacating the district's desegregation plan
and basically blowing up the whole thing.
And tragically, Charlotte then experienced
swift resegregation.
As by 2010, those 1% and 3% figures for Latinos and blacks
had grown to 44% and 47%.
And I know it is tempting to be angry at that one parent,
especially because-- and this is true--
before the verdict even came down,
he moved his family to California.
Which is the constitutional- challenge equivalent
of farting in a crowded elevator
just as your stepping off of it.
But to be fair, this wasn't an isolated incident.
All over the country desegregation plans
were struck down, thanks, in part,
to Supreme Court rulings making it easier to challenge them.
And the prevailing narrative became that desegregate--
desegregation imposed too high a cost on students
for a benefit that was no longer necessary.
It's an attitude that's best summed up
by this Louisiana state senator.
White: Do you think that you have to
bus children all over, bus 'em long distance,
so you can say you sit in a-- in a seat
next to someone diverse, different from yourself?
The Justice Department, now, they achieved their goal.
Who can say we're not desegregated?
We have an African-American president.
We have a African-American mayor here in Baton Rouge,
with a majority white in the parish.
We--we've got-- we've been through all that.
- And there it is:
the idea that because President Obama was elected
systemic racism was pretty much solved.
Which is absolutely absurd
because racism is not one of those things
that just disappears on its own in due time.
It's not like chicken pox or Chewbacca Mom.
And I know-- I know I have just
restarted the clock on that one.
And I am genuinely sorry.
So the only solution here is to be proactive.
Because, remember, if you just assign kids
to their neighborhood schools,
and their neighborhoods are segregated,
you will have a segregated school.
And clearly, there are some parents who, it seems,
would resist just about anything
that might result in integration.
Just listen to how these parents in St. Louis
reacted to the idea of students from a mostly black community
being added to their schools.
- So will this district send my son
to a better school when this one goes down?
- We don't want this here in Francis Howell.
- I deserve to not have to worry about my children
getting stabbed, or taking a drug,
or getting robbed.
Because that's the issue.
- Ooh.
That is not subtle.
She is just a "homies" and a "baggy pants" away
from full dog-whistle bingo.
And--and look,
those parents are all extreme examples,
but even if for a moment
you give everyone the benefit of the doubt
and you assume that all complaints about
bus schedules or class sizes
are actually just about buses or class sizes,
the hard truth is
you don't have to be intentionally racist
to do things that have racist effects.
In the '60s, if you had insisted
on separate lunch counters--not because you hated black people
but just because you loved your son so much
you wanted him to get his lunch quicker--
the end result would have been exactly the same.
And--and while I get the impulse
to seize every tiny advantage you can for your kid,
I get that,
segregated schools cause devastating harm
to actual children--
and not just to their education,
but to their very sense of self worth.
- We don't have support at all.
We have lack of books, resources,
anything you can think of.
But when we go in contact with these white children--
or should I say Caucasian-- they don't know how to act
because they believe that they're better than us.
And we don't know how to act because we believe
that they're better than us.
- And that is heartbreaking.
Because classrooms should teach children
about the importance of self-esteem,
not rip it from them.
Because that is what prom is for.
And--and there can be
lasting positive impacts to integration.
Uh, not because the mere act of having a white classmate
is somehow magic, it's not.
Unless, of course, that kid has
round glasses, a scar on his forehead,
and sits alone on Parents Visiting Day.
But--but getting to attend a good middle-class school
can be transformative.
Berkeley Professor Rucker Johnson
studied black siblings where one went
to a desegregated school and the other didn't.
And not only did those exposed
to more years of desegregation fare better,
but their kids did too.
And that is not all.
Zakaria: Blacks who attended desegregated elementary schools
were more likely to graduate,
and 22% less likely to be incarcerated as adults.
What is more, Johnson found
that the narrowing of the achievement gap
and the increased success of black Americans
did not have any negative effect on whites
on any metric.
- So it was good for black people
and had no effect on white people whatsoever.
It's like this canister of Black n' Sassy Creme Shine.
I am pretty sure I can make that joke.
I-I am pretty sure that's okay.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Uh, which writer pitched it?
Shit!
Shit. That doesn't help.
And the point is,
for white children, a lack of experience
with people of other races can have serious downsides.
Just watch one young girl take a racial bias test.
woman: Show me the good child.
Why is she the good child?
- 'Cause I think she looks like me.
woman: Okay.
Show me the bad child.
Why is she the bad child?
girl: 'Cause she's a lot darker.
woman: What do you think?
- I'm crying.
woman: Shocking to you?
- I just think it's 'cause she's not exposed.
- Exactly.
And that is why it is important to expose kids
to other races at a young age.
You don't want your child playing Guess Who
at a birthday party and asking,
"Is this person bad?" to rule out anyone who isn't white.
And while--and while-- and while, yes,
you can absolutely teach kids
about racism in the abstract,
if your school is overwhelmingly white,
important nuances can get lost,
as this second-grader found
after making a bold choice for a school project.
- "I have a dream today.
"I have a dream that my four little children
will one day live in a nation..."
woman: Sean is portraying a historical figure
assigned by his teacher.
- I'm Martin Luther King Jr.
- He said, "Mom, I want to wear a suit
"because that's what he wore. And a black tie.
And I have to wear a white shirt."
And he said, um, "Also, I want to pla--
you know, do my face in black."
Sean: They thought it was inappropriate
and it'll--it'll be disrespectful to black people.
But I say that it's not. I like black people.
- Okay.
First... wow.
Uh... [exhales]
Second, it is obviously not that kid's fault.
He didn't know any better.
And finally, if Martin Luther King Jr.
could see that clip, I legitimately don't know
whether he'd be thrilled or horrified.
He might actually be both.
He'd be like, "Wow, I really made a difference
to a point."
So--so the benefits of truly diverse schools are obvious.
The problem is often just our willingness
to do it at all.
And to their credit, some school districts--
including Charlotte-- are now looking
for ways to fix things.
And there are models, small and large,
around the country for what can work.
Uh, Boston has long had a voluntary program
to send kids from the city to schools in the suburbs.
It's tiny, but it's wildly popular.
And Louisville has created
a complicated school-assignment formula
that has resulted in, uh, more integrated schools.
It is not perfect.
And they've had to tweak it a lot.
But it is worth knowing that under that program,
90% of kindergarten families
still receive their first choice of schools.
Which is impressive because I doubt
90% of those families even receive
their first choice of kindergartener.
I mean, she's great, she's great.
She--she draws on a lot of things,
but she's great. She's--she's fine.
She's absolutely fine.
She's no Dylan, of course.
'Cause as we all know,
Dylan is the best.
And everyone should be invested
in those sorts of solutions because--
because while this always gets framed
as an issue about parents and their children,
it's actually about adults and everybody.
Because kids grow up.
And those little doctors, soldiers,
police officers, and superheroes
asking you for candy tomorrow night,
well, in a decade or so, they might be
actual doctors, soldiers, police officers,
and assistant directors of human resources.
And there are massive and multiple benefits
for all of us if they interacted
a lot more from an early age.
And I know this seems like a lot to ask,
but in the words of a small white child
dressed as a dead Civil Rights leader,
"I have a dweam."
And now this.
Kaye: And now, "Last Week Tonight" asks
"How is this still a thing?"
This week: voting on Tuesday,
how is this still a thing?
In the United States, two things are for certain.
First, elections for national office
are held on the first Tuesday after the first Monday
in November.
And second, every time it happens,
we're going to ask, "Why is that?"
- When this question first came up here,
none of us knew why it is we vote on Tuesdays.
- Have you ever wondered why we vote on Tuesdays?
- Everyone knows Election Day is always Tuesday,
but we wondered why.
Kaye: And it's not just newscasters.
Nobody seems to know.
- I do not know why elections are held on Tuesday.
- On a Tuesday? I'm not sure, actually.
- Oh, it's a good question. Do you know?
- I feel like I should, but no.
- No.
Kaye: Yes, even human pickles
don't know why we vote on Tuesday.
It's just one of those mysteries
that no one can figure out like, "where's the remote?"
or "why doesn't Jason Bourne just Google himself?"
But the reason actually comes from an 1845 law,
passed for a very 1845 reason.
Lansell: People had very limited access to move about.
Polling stations or where they'd vote
would be extreme distances.
They had to find a way of making Election Day
a-a day that people could--
could accommodate their schedules.
man: Weekends were no good because of the Sabbath.
So take Monday as a travel day
and, voilá, vote on Tuesdays.
Kaye: Yes, we vote on Tuesdays
because of the Sabbath,
making voting day the only thing in American life
still scheduled around Sundays,
other than the operating hours of Chick-fil-A
and new episodes of "America's Funniest Home Videos."
Oh, that's right, motherfuckers,
that thing's still on.
And it'll be on long after this nonsense is cancelled.
And while many states allow early voting
or mail-in voting, 13 states don't.
And the problem is, having everyone vote at once
on a Tuesday can cause scenes like this.
woman: Here in the valley, high voter turnout
for Election Day.
man: This is video from the Oakwood University precinct,
where voters waited for upwards of three hours,
at times, today to cast their ballots.
man: The lines have been long at polls
all across central Mississippi tonight.
woman: People waited for hours to cast their ballots
in the cold and the rain.
woman: Here in East Flatbush, the line to vote
stretched through the hall and up the stairs.
But wait, there's more.
This whole auditorium of people
is the line to get on the line.
Kaye: Holy shit.
All the wait times of Disneyworld,
all the fun of the fucking DMV.
And for some, the fact voting takes place on a workday
is a major inconvenience.
- On Tuesday, I have to work
and I'm an hourly employee,
so any time taken away from work is just--
ex--I have to wake up earlier.
Kaye: Exactly.
Perhaps that's why the most common reason
Americans give for not voting
is that they were too busy,
which even means too busy working.
Although it could mean too busy
coming up with sick pool dunks like this one.
[upbeat electronic music]
*
Because this is America
and there is all sorts of really cool shit to do.
So what could be done?
Well, we could expand early voting,
move Election Day to a weekend,
or keep it where it is and declare it a national holiday
like it is in Puerto Rico,
where their turnout is not only consistently higher
than the 50 states, but their voting day
is consistently more awesome.
But until we do that, we're going to be forced
to squeeze in voting in between work,
doctors appointments, or a few,
quick rim-rattling Nerf dunks
just so farmers who have been dead
for more than a century
won't have an excuse to miss church.
All of which returns us to the question,
"Voting on Tuesday, how is this still a thing?"
[cheers and applause]
- That's our show. Thanks so much for watching.
See you next week. Good night!
[upbeat rock music]
*
woman: [laughs]
Jolene, he's real.
He's a real-life Gumby.
[dog barks]
[unintelligible]
[laughter]
He is so happy.
[laughter]
[bright tone]